Apologies for fans of the British electronic music group, but while I have been known to chillax myself into a comatose state by listening to Sneaker Pimps and other trip-hop, this is not going to be any kind of concert or album review. As with my other recent pop culture analyses I’ve published, this is gonna be less a summary or discussion of the actual movie/book/TV show itself, and more of a launching pad for me to spew forth about Gen X nostalgia.
I interrupt my regularly scheduled programming of self-indulgent Oppenheimer takes to bring you this dissertation about Air. While ostensibly being about the undisputed GOAT (in sports, that is), this is actually not a movie about Michael Jordan’s career. It isn’t even about basketball. It’s 💯 the life story of Air Jordan kicks.
BUT while we are on the subject of NBA Hall of Famers…for me the GOAT is my fave 🏀 player of all time, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
and Bill Simmons would deffo double-team me on this one, but like Nikola Jokic, the center of my Denver Nuggets and NBA champs, I can effortlessly swat these dudes away like an annoying fly buzzing around my sandwich.Let’s see — not only does
have his patented skyhook, but he has gobs of scoring records (see below for one major example), and he did all of this looking so endearing in his goofy goggles. Yet he managed to escape being a punchline in Air like his fellow begoggled teammate Kurt Rambis. Btw, totally undeserved, because Rambis is considered a freaking untouchable legend as well. By true connoisseurs of the sport.Yeah the Chicago Bulls were capable and all, but in terms of teamwork makes the dreamwork, it’s gotta be the stacked-like-a-10x10-Double-Double-from-In-N-Out Showtime Lakers. I mean in addition to Kareem, you had Magic, the OG three-point-master-Steph-Curry-wishes-he-was-as-good Michael Cooper, Norm Nixon, James “Very Much Extremely” Worthy, Jamaal Wilkes, AC Green, and so on and so forth. My guy Kareem, who was taught Bruce Lee’s ways by the legend himself, was more than happy to let other players shine and share in the spotlight that they deserved every bit as much as he did. MJ — not so much. Capisce, Bill Simmons?!
Also, at least Kareem made a valiant effort to branch out into the very challenging-for-a-giant-person sport of diving (see below screenshot) and was even on Dancing With The Stars as a very old person. Post-NBA, MJ played golf ⛳️ like other 1-percenters and bewilderingly thought his basketball skills would be completely transferrable to baseball ⚾️. Cuz you know, it’s SO EASY to just swoosh in and pick up a World Series ring to go along with his NBA ones.
You know what, I am not even going to talk about basketball shoes. I want to talk about a much better type of athletic shoe. Nike’s original celebrity-endorsed shoes — made for RUNNING (Prefontaine, anyone?) 🏃
In the movie (just want to clarify I’m referring to Air and not Prefontaine), everyone has pretty much moved on from actual purpose-built shoes for runners which were Nike’s bread and butter, to either Converse or Adidas. MJ wanted to have the sick Adidas tracksuits and had to hold his nose the entire time Viola Davis dragged his punk teenage ass to meet Ben Affleck. But really, who could blame MJ.
Just imagine what could have happened if instead of Air Jordans, there had been a special basketball shoe in a collab with Run-DMC. That would have been super massive.
I would easily pay like $250 for a first run of a “My MJ Adidas” tracksuit
MJ was wise however, to reject Converse. Honestly, what is up with the masochistic worship of these uncomfortable-ass canvas-sided shoes with zero sole or collar cushioning, arch support, or wiggle room in the toebox. I’ll trade you all the colors of Chuck Taylor All-Star high-tops for just one pair of Adidas Sambas, any f*ing day. And I venture so would serious runners such as Reese Witherspoon, Pete Davidson, and the Sisters Hadid and Kardashian, judging from their footwear choices.
Fast forward to 2023. I kept seeing Hoka shoes everywhere in the airport in my post-pandemic revenge travels and in my Google newsfeed, which I have expertly trained the AI to report quiet luxury celebrity fashion trends back to me on a nightly basis. So, of course, I was striving to achieve the outward appearance of a person who does outdoorsy track and field activities, without so much as getting up off my couch.
I wanted to add to my hand-me-down Nike and Under Armour sneaks that my cousin gets for free as an IG influencer
She can literally run circles around kids half her age, and she is only a couple of years younger than me. Also, she can bench press or taekwondo any Gen Z teenager under the table; then go eat a dozen donuts BECAUSE SHE CAN, SHE EARNED IT. Love you, cuzzo!
Because I am not a billionaire like Adam Sandler, my frugal Filipino ass would not allow myself to drop some major coin on a conventionally-purchased pair of Hokas at any kind of official Hoka store or regular-priced at like Nordstrom. Thus, I had to enter the world of sneakerheads and find me a good dealer, as it were.
Thank you for not turning off the computer or smartphone screen for this very important interruption to my regularly scheduled programming. The series I Really Relate to Oppenheimer will resume after a word from our sponsor, Real Not Fake Vintage Adidas.
This article originally appeared in Medium.
THERE IS SO MUCH ABOUT BIG SNEAKER THAT I DON'T KNOW!! Thanks for being my shoe sherpa, Marmi! :)
I still haven’t watched Air for the simple (and irrational) reason that I’m from Beaverton and I think I’d spend the entire movie trying to correct it (even if it’s mainly about MJ).
I grew up not too far from their HQ, and one of the guys on my block looked like Kurt Rambis. He was not a fan- of the player, or us pointing it out.
P.S. Sambas rule.